Ever just feel completely lost? Like nothing in your life is fitting just right? You know when you’ve splurged on all of those holiday calories and you go to put on real clothes after the long break. Your bra feels tight. Your pants are all wrong. You swear this dress fit like two weeks ago! Everything just feels super uncomfortable.
Life gets like that too sometimes. And often times we just think it will all sort itself out one way or another. But then time goes on and you realize it’s still the same. So you start to put in more effort only to realize your efforts aren’t really working. Everything is still just uncomfortable. Then you start grasping and worrying and panicking and before you know it you feel like you’re just on this super fast spinning hamster wheel on the road to nowhere.
Then one day you’re in your car and you hear a faith based song that stops you dead in your tracks and your inner voice says “You. Cannot. Do. This. Alone. So stop trying to be so strong and so brave and so stubborn.” What? How dare you inner voice! I feel personally attacked by my own inner self!
But in reality we know who our inner voice belongs to. That’s right where we connect to our maker. Ok, so we can’t do it alone but, God, if you could just go ahead and show me the road map so we can get going, that would great! I need to know where, when, how, and why! Like.... today!
Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. Unfortunately we don’t always get an answer. We don’t always hear that still, small inner voice. And that’s where faith and trust and aaaaalll the waiting happens. I’m not ok with this. I’ll place it in relation to my fitness journey. When I started, I was like, ok so I will do some air squats and some crunches and I’ll look exactly like these Instagram girls. Easy peasy! I got this. Uhm.. 4 years later I have learned that unless I’m popping magic beans, this is going to be a much harder and longer process than I thought. Actually, it will be never ending. It will take research and studying and learning so much about myself and what my specific person needs in order to grow and gain and become. With that comes proper nutrition to fuel my very own specific needs, which is equivalent to learning rocket science. This will be a life long journey because my body will be ever changing. Ever growing. Ever decaying. And my body will always require new methods of fuel and fitness.
I believe the same applies to our lives and our souls. We are ever growing. Ever changing. Ever developing. We will always require something new. Something deeper. Something that quenches our deeply injured souls. With every year comes another challenge. Another blow. But there’s also a lot of beauty that will come with the pains and changes. We just need help navigating and discovering and we can’t do that alone. And we can’t just sit back and expect change within ourselves or our relationship with God without submission and the release of our denial that we can do this alone. We DON’T have to work for grace and mercy and love from our maker. We DO have to work for grace and mercy and love for ourselves so that we can better understand our own short comings and grow into better humans.
When you find yourself stuck in the hamster wheel of life with nowhere to go, first ask for help from your maker. Ask for the blue prints to be revealed. Even if they’re just shown piece by piece daily. Open your heart to what changes and plans are designed specifically for your growth. Welcome the Holy Spirit with an open heart, mind, and with full submission. This is a memo to myself. But hopefully it will be of some help to you.
XOXO - holly